That's not bad :) Here's a couple tips for you.
Try to avoid clipping through blocks when possible.
Give people more of a reason to watch, for most people watching, you're just some random guy riding a horse, there's not much special about it. This could be done by maybe making it more cinematic, or funny.
Also, the dogs constantly teleporting behind you was kind of weird :)
Hope these help you :) Don't forget, everyone has to start somewhere, you're doing great so far. Not to self-promote, but if you're looking for some examples of how to make things cinematic-y, I make some on my channel, you can look at my most recent cinematic here :) https://www.replaymod.com/forum/thread/2082
If you have any other questions feel free to ask me :)